How to Get Rid of Ants: Yes, Spring is Here!

Spring is officially here. How do I know? It's not the robins hopping about on my front lawn. It's not the ginormous wasp I chased out of my car today. It's the annual trail of ants across my kitchen counter tops. They are the bane of my existence every year from March until - I can't remember when they disappear, but I think it's not until fall.

At any rate, the little buggers make my life miserable. I've tried bug sprays, keeping the counter tops clean of all crumbs - you name it, and I've tried it. So I Googled "kill ants" today and found the following advice, some of which is downright sadistic:

Kind options:

• If ants enter the house through a window, put chalk around the window frame.

• Sprinkle ground or powdered chili where the ants commonly enter.
  

• Ants hate vinegar. So make a spray of vinegar combined with water and spray around where they enter.

• I don't know about this one. Sounds like it could cause more problems than it might solve. But I'll offer it anyway: place a jar of open honey up a tree, away from the house, and leave it there all summer.
  

Not so kind, somewhat sadistic options (if you really, really HATE ants, and have a personal vendetta against them):

• Locate the ant mound and pour boiling water over it. Problem solved.

• Soak pipe tobacco in warm water, then pour the liquid over the anthill. The ants overdose on the nicotine and die.

• Put baby powder on the ant trail. If the ants come into contact with it, they will die.

• Put uncooked Cream of Wheat out where the ants can get to it. They will eat it, expand, and - well, you get the picture.

Now I don't personally have anything against ants. They're just doing what ants do. So I'll try the kinder, gentler options first. But if they don't clear out by May, I'm not making any promises. Here's a link to a very funny and related cartoon by Stephen Pastis.